In Your Hands*

... to follow-up on further thoughts from the last post over a holiday which has had a greater than normal amount of reflection time.

I think what I love most, or at least find most valuable, about the 'secret of life,' as cheesily coined below, is the change in focus, and that it is so darned applicable in most every situation.

One could be sick over Christmas break and wrenching his guts out and really start to pity himself. But that same person could have that statement posed to them?

Is there no way to make this worship and honour God or is there just no way to make this worship and honour your life; the life you think you should be living/ think you are totally entitled to?

And therein lies the rub! The truth is that the situation can be used to honour and worship God. In fact, and it's possible that this only works for me, but thinking along those lines seems to quash the logical leverage of most restless "I don't deserve this" (read "I am unfulfilled") frustrations! It is not, unfortunately, that it causes these thoughts to flee. But thinking this way does seem to expose the selfish humanity of it all.

Furthermore, it is possible that this line of thinking reminds one, surprisingly enough, that it really is about God. So if you are in a particular in-action/action which seems rather dull but is the action/in-action which glorifies God - than that is more than what you could ask for to experience in that phase of your life. As such, it really is the most fulfilling thing one could do.

The trick for me is seeking out those actions, in-actions, attitudes and places which glorify God, of which there are many available. [Edit 10 minutes later: Or in fact, simply just embracing them when they are given to me. My language in this last paragraph originally showed that I learned nothing. In fact that whole thing about glorifying God while being bedridden is about embracing the in-action as something just as fulfilling. There is a time for seeking and a time for embracing]


*title credit goes to my man Charlie Winston - whose album my sister was kind enough to get for me from England!

The Secret of Basketball?

I confess, Bill Simmons and his Book of Basketball has taken over half my commuting life. Last week I was reading this part of the book...

"Isiah [Thomas] smiled. I could tell he was impressed. He took a dramatic pause. You could say he even milked the moment. 'The secret of basketball,' he told me, 'is that it's not about basketball.' The secret of basketball is that it's not about basketball. That makes no sense, right? How can that possibly make sense?" pp. 39, The Book of Basketball

Bill goes on to discuss that there is a fundamentally important social dynamic to a basketball team; that teammates must care most about winning and about making each other better - and not about the basketball itself. But I could hardly pay attention to this ... because I had read Brother Lawrence's thoughts and opinions earlier in the morning as such:

"That in this conversation with God we are also employed in praising, adoring, and loving Him incessantly, for His infinite goodness and perfection." pp. 23

"That the most excellent method he had found of going to God was that of doing our common business without any view of pleasing men, and (as far we are capable) purely for the love of God." pp. 24

"That we ought, once for all, heartily to put our whole trust in God, and make a total surrender of ourselves to Him, secure that He would not deceive us. That we ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed." pp. 24 - 25

"That the end we ought to propose to ourselves is to become, in this life, the most perfect worshipers of God we can possibly be, as we hope to be through all eternity." pp. 25, Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God

It's possible that I have a particular problem with loving to find connections in these different sort of texts - but it all got me thinking on this a rare train ride home that i wasn't almost falling asleep...

"If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?" Jesus, Mathew 16:24-26

Could it be that,

the Secret

of life

is that it's not about life

... it's about God?

Please bear with me for a moment, because I'm sure you're probably either thinking that that sounds rather escapist or of course that is the case and how could it take me so long to realize it.

If its the latter - than I want to honestly thank you because you have most likely beautifully influenced me to finally come to this sort of conclusion. Even with being behind in the game - i've really liked dwelling on this thought a lot recently. I'll be in the car annoyed at the car in front of me who has to travel over the speedbumps at like 2 km/h WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO HOME - and i have to laugh - because isn't that me making it too much about life? In fact - this has come up an inordinate number of times recently, and each time I guess I just have to ask forgiveness for how selfishly I care about the stupidest little things in my life - just because it's mine! In that way, I'm thankful for God revealing this thought to me - because it's been very valuable.

If you were the former - thinking that its just way too escapist to think about something other than what is present here in front of us - I don't think that's what I'm trying to say. In the same odd way that Isaiah's '89 Pistons team cared so much about winning, and getting the group together and to another level that they were the best basketball team they could be without the focus being on basketball, Jesus lived the best life a human could live with his focus entirely not on life. It isn't that He wasn't present to where He was, on the contrary, God was where He was, with Him - so his focus on God showed Him where life was and how to redeem and fulfill it!

Lord please help me to get a place more resembling Isaiah as a player than as a GM!

Work is a Gift

"Work is a gift, a vocation. Before the Fall, Adam was given the garden to cultivate. It was only after the Fall that all nature travailed and groaned so that man has to work with the sweat of his brow and combat earthquakes, floods, droughts, boll weevils, Japanese beetles, fatigue and sloth." Dorothy Day

Did you see how she included fatigue and sloth in there amongst all these awesome things like boll weevils? What a truly profound thought - 'Work is a gift.' Something about this hit me right. Adam was gifted with the opportunity to work to tend and care for the garden. I don't think many people today (at least the ones I go to work with) consider the work part of their work a gift. Most are happy with the wage part though. But 'Work is a gift' isn't a philosophy that ends when we say we are thankful for a job because it can pay the bills and its hard to get a job that does so. 'Work is a gift' is to say - I am thankful that you trusted me to be a steward of something Lord - that you have filled me with talent such that I have responsibility.

I've been trying to think about whether or not work and rest are opposites. I think generally we consider them so. I desire to REST in the heart of God more than anything else. Is part of that feeling that I get imagining that the idea that the 'work' of this life will be over - that grasping and seeking work. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think the error in my thinking in that sentence is in my definition of work - or my automatic association of it to that which is longing and unfulfilled in life. I'm thinking maybe that rest isn't the opposite of work. This morning I fixed the dishwasher and leveled out the oven with my dad. I can confess that I didn't do much of the work, but I was still focused on the task and trying to help and it was incredibly restful. Work can be restful no? Rest, in the way I am thinking of it here, is more a state of the heart than a horizontal position. Does it make sense that if one considers work a gift than one can rest in the thought that someone out there thought enough of the person to bless them with it.

I think we can also turn work into a frustrating annoying thing. I had to 'work' today on an assignment that I thought was bogus and unnecessary - and it somewhat soured my rested mood from the morning. So much so that I had to try and talk less, because it was one of those situations where you could tell that your quick thoughts and words weren't rational, let alone compassionate. Was it simply the struggle with that frustrating 'work' that pushed out my rest? Maybe. Maybe it was my attitude towards it. This wasn't destructive work, and in fact it was probably training me in more ways than I thought. Could it be possible that I just didn't have the right attitude about it? This kind of seems like a big jump - but I was thinking abou this other passage of Day's and considered that maybe I was a bit short-sighted about what I had to do. If i considered that work part of the work fo the Kingdom, in that even the discipline was most likely training me, then I could see it still as a gift. The amazing opportunity God has given me to work in this life to begin to build his Kingdom. The Kingdom he will return and finish, the Earth he will renew and restore!

"There is work now. Much of our national expenditure by the government is for war, past and present. Much of this work, this labor, is not good work, constructive work, but work for preparedness, or dealing with pensions or hospitals, etc. It is not even in building homes that have been destroyed by war, let alone homes here in this country where we did not have that destruction. Slums are still with us. Many houses have been torn down, more than hvae been put up. Farms have been consolidated and produce less than if they were all small farms; soil has been depleted, national resources have been wasted. And are we to sit by and see man, and God's good earth, so ruined and degraded, and then be told, "Do not bother bout these things, seek first the kingdom of haven?" Dorothy Day

The truth is, and please let me know if you agree that this is the case, I may have romanticized the work I did today. Trying to get to some kind of a place where I can consider it a gift. But Lord-willing that will lead me towards constructive Kingdom work - where I see that the seeking of God's will intersects with work on the Earth. Another note I want to make is that I don't want to carelessly dismiss the idea of struggling through work. We often talk about 'heart work' which can involve difficult, emotional, and slow growth and change. I do not want to disregard the struggle that that involves and just say that it is all gift and rest. But I do want to throw the thought out there.

A Love Story

This past week I saw Michael Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story. I liked it. Of course it had Moore's trademark manipulative use of emotion and people's stories and at-times-one-sided presentation of facts. But what I thought was good was the optimism and positivity that it showed. Obviously it highlighted some problems with our economic system, which were saddening and frustrating when they were laid out. But it also showed the possibility for improvement and change and gave examples of the group actions of people and what they had accomplished. It also showed what communities and the church were doing to help different groups of people who were not being treated compassionately. In fact, I thought it did this so well that it was, in a way, encouraging, and inspiring. It left me wanting to work to fight against economic injustices rather than just complain (or write on my blog) about how wrong things are.

That was pretty cool.

a bit of housekeeping

so, i think i spend too much time thinking about things that I say and write. for example - one reason i struggled to write thoughts out in this blog (other than making time to do it) is that I would write something out and then I would look at it and read it and think that my friends would think odd of me for writing that. In truth, at times I was afraid to be honest about what I was thinking - this is probably partly because what I am thinking is often dumb and should be vetted well - but at the same time I need to be willing to honest with thoughts as well. More importantly, I need to be willing to show my wrongness - because, honestly, I am wrong in thoughts a lot of the time. But those wrong thoughts are still a part of some larger whole - and i think it is probably valuable (humbling) that I am honest about those wrong thoughts too and ask for [gentle] correction from friends that would be kind enough to read said thoughts :).

so as such i feel much more appreciative about the whole cycle. with that said - i will still make one more note i was mulling over about my previous post. When I was talking about how it can be most difficult to be like Christ in social situations I want to clarify that I think this is not because of the people around us. It is because of our own desire to come across as who we want to come across as - it is because of how we care about how others view us - exactly what I was dealing with above. For our entire lives we have trained ourselves to *react* in social situations in order that the outcome would be that which we want to 'portray' to our friends and acquaintances. how unfortunate. but anyway - just was thinking about that a bit more today. a scary thought - but i better post it anyway exactly because i need to try and practice not being worried about some scary and stupid thoughts!

"No - I do not know Him!"

"The genius of the moral teachings of Jesus and his first students was his insistence that you cannot keep the law by trying not to break the law. That will only make a Pharisee of you and sink you into layers of hypocrisy." Dallas Willard, The Great Omission

Its true. I think this does not just make you a hypocrite - but can be a trigger to the struggle of anger. Trying NOT to break the law is a lonely and saddening pursuit, which then in turn means that when others around you fail in the ways that you are failing in - you can automatically react with anger - because what they do is making it difficult to do what you want to do. This is, in fact, entirely selfish, and another problem that arises out of this effort to simply not break the law.

"Instead, you have to be transformed in the functions of the soul so that the deeds of the law are a natural outflow of who you have become." Dallas Willard, The Great Omission

"When you try to 'bless those who curse you,' for example, trying will prove never to be enough; you have to be trained for that." Dallas Willard, The Great Omission

"Our good ideas and intentions are practically helpless in the face of what our body in the social context is poised to do automatically. Jesus, of course, understood all this very well. Thus, he knew that Peter's declaration that he would not deny him were irrelevant to what he would actually do in the moment of trial." Dallas Willard, The Great Omission

"So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Jesus, Mathew 26

Recently I was able to see that Jesus truly believed that the spirit of the disciples was willing to do everything to support him, even to join him in prayer in a time of great struggle. It was the part of their self known as flesh that was weak - as ours is - to do that 'which we want to do'. This is especially true in social situations (partly the reason, apparently, why solitude & silence is so fundamental to our growth - maybe more on that later) because other people around us can and do help us to do the things that our spirit desires but, alas, it is also in these social situations where we see ourselves act seemingly without our control, doing the things we wish not to. Peter denied Jesus simply because that was the natural, protective reaction of his 'flesh'. Imagine the self-kicking he did for that.

"Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, 'Do you love Me?' And he said to Him, 'Lord, You know all things; You know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Tend My sheep.'" John 21: 17b

In response and forgiveness, what does Jesus tell Peter to do - 'Tend My sheep.' Jesus told him an action to do in order to work to correct a weakness in his flesh. But we cannot *try* not to break the law, and similarly we cannot just *try* to live as Jesus did. I think what I am beginning to learn is that Jesus told Peter to 'Tend My sheep' in order that Peter would be trained. To expand, it is as if the discipline of tending sheep is the active vehicle through which God works in grace in Peter's life - slowly creating a situation in which he is able to do that which previously he is unable to do by direct effort. (aside: Willard's definition of discipline is something that we make do in order that, through grace, we are able to do what we previously were unable to do by direct effort). This is part of how we are united together, as a body of people being trained. We cannot simply try to be good in selfish and hypocritical pursuits. BUT - thankfully, we can take steps into disciplines which allow the grace of God to work to train our flesh and renew and restore our soul in such a way that we will naturally act in the way that Christ did.

Lord please continue to work through your grace in my wretched and weak flesh!

Need for Love

"These days I can never look up at the sky and see the moon without thinking with wonder and awe that men have walked there. To conceive of such a thing - to desire such an adventure, to be capable of overcoming all fear, all doubt, to have faith in man's ability to solve problems, and seek out the way to go about this great exploration - what dedication of mind and will! 'What is man that thou art mindful of him? Thou hast made him little less than the angels.' It keeps coming into my mind - how much man would be capable of if his soul were strong in the love of God, if he wanted God as much as he wanted to penetrate the power and glory of God's creation.

To know Him, to love Him, and to love Him, and to serve Him - a personal God, who took on human flesh and became man and suffered and died for us. To find the way, not to the moon but to God - this is man's[sic] real desire, because of his need for love, and God is love."

Dorothy Day, The Catholic Worker, March-April 1976

I think often what amazes me in my poor understanding of God, but in my search after Him, is discovering the true desires of my heart. It can also be so frustrating at times to think how lost one can be - grasping and seeking out the ' penetration of the power and glory of God's creation' because sometimes that's all we know - sometimes that's all we want to know. It is also heartbreaking to look around and see all the energy put towards finding a way to love without ever thinking of the source and power of love itself. I believe wholly and truly that resting in the love of the heart of God is what I desire and I need. It is often, however, that I do not act in a way that shows this conclusion to be evident, even worse, in a way that enables me to grow closer to the heart of God.

But isn't it good that life is long - in order that we may have time to learn.

My New Favourite Song

WOW - today I bought the Old Man Luedecke album because I love singing a long to his fun, poppy, and cheery songs. Little did I know I would find my new favourite song ever about my favourite event! You can't wipe the smile off my face! Please enjoy the only version I could find online:

Big Group Breakfast

interesting idea.

lots of new things like this are popping up:

http://www.vittana.org/

soundtrack of life

I want to learn to know God's love in my life so that reflecting on it feels like the rush of a powerful and beautiful song such as those in movie montages.

The other day I walked from the train to work listening to 'Inni mer syngur vtleysingur' or possibly more simply known as the 2nd track on sigur ros's latest album. you know that bounce you get in your step while walking or driving to an amazing song - as it just sort of fills you with energy?

I pray Lord that I can know your love more and more, such that I can be filled with the same sort of energy - energy that stems from the creativity in who you are.

One Week

What would you do with One Week to live? Today over lunch I watched the movie One Week by Michael McGowan.

I think it is the greatest movie I have seen in a long time. Not just because it fully features ridiculous amounts of Toronto and Canada and places I have been and seen. Not just because I was tired and therefore I cried a lot (cheesy I know). Not just because I know most of the songs and it features many of my favourite bands.

I think it was because of this line: fighting with his fiancée Sam, Ben declares that his adventure is the right choice – he says

“If I can make each one of these days a life – that has to be a better choice”

What a way to express our life here on this world. Tell me I’m wrong – but I believe that we all just want every day to be a life. We want to live – OH we want to live. We want appreciation, acknowledgement, wisdom, new experience, meaningful relationship and love – OH do we want love. St. Augustine, in one of my favourite conclusions ever states,

“Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, Lord.”

This may have not been the conclusion of the movie – but, alas, I believe that the reason that the movie makes sense to us is because we know we all share the same feelings. It does NOT take the news that we are terminally ill for us to realize that we want to burst outwards in expression – we want to be in intimate deep connection and love with others – be appreciated for who we are. Ultimately we want to rest in the Lord. I am 1000% convinced that this forms the base of the longings and desires of every person who has ever lived.

I think adventure, much like Ben found out, can be vitally important to our lives. In most respects this throwing off of some responsibility and virtual spreading of our wings helps us to realize what we long for in our life. Ben turns from Sam and spreads his arms to the Rockies and says “This is right!” But Samantha has told him that he cannot drive around (and run away) forever. Trying to fulfill our heart’s restlessness only through adventure and experience is dangerous simply because it is impossible. We can never satiate our longings that way – we can only realize in moments of clarity what we long for.

In fact, if I could borrow a common expression and practice used by Ronald Rolheiser, after the realization an adventure can bring, one of the only ways in which we can grow in our state of restlessness is by turning the other way. By quieting our souls and activity completely and trying (time after time) to search in our hearts; through prayer we can begin to meet God in a fuller way. In this development of our relationship with him we can slowly begin to claim some of the feelings of love that we long for. The full consummation of this relationship is not realizable in our current state of affairs. However, I have found in my life, that the only times when I feel like I am able to be slightly more fulfilled in my life is when I take time to pray and reflect after the occurrence of an outward seeking adventure or even just in the middle of the most mundane of activities (often while longing for one of those adventures). I am so pathetically bad at this. What I can do, however, is consider those people I know in life that seem the most content, and fulfilled in the every day, mundane, domesticated and ‘boring’ tasks of life. I think of my Nana, for one, and I see a lady who has spent countless hours focusing on deepening her relationship with the Lord simply so that she is able to understand her existence while resting further in God’s heart.

A friend of mine posted a quote about stories helping us to determine how to live our lives – the story of this movie helped me to concretize I think a lot of the above thoughts and realize that I must keep struggling to reflect, pray and cry out to God in the alone and simple times of the day in order to move towards rest.

The Greatest Wedding of All

Weddings are awesome. Ultimately the wedding of Heaven and Earth will be the most awesome - I thank the Lord I am invited to THAT ceremony AND reception (one might even say heavily involved) and I pray that it will come ever so soon...

"And when they finally come together, that will be cause for rejoicing in the same way that a wedding is: a creational sign that God's project is going forward; that opposite poles within creation are made for union, not competition; that love and not hate have the last word in the universe; that fruitfulness and not sterility is God's will for creation." N.T. Wright, Surpised By Hope, pp. 105

ultimately yet another reason to dance! PTL

Creativity vs. Consumerism

Why is it that some random days the urge to buy something comes easy?

Maybe its because I don't outlet enough creativity, just like Rolheiser talks about how creativity can be an answer to violence in his latest post - it could probably also answer the urge to buy something.

cool:

"Creativity can be as simple (and as wonderful) as gardening, growing flowers, sewing, raising children, baking bread, collecting stamps, keeping a journal, writing secret poems, being a teacher, being cub-scout leader, coaching a team, collecting baseball cards, doing secret dances in the privacy of your own room, fixing old cars, or building a deck off the porch. It doesn't have to be recognized and you don't need to get published. You only have to love doing it." - Rolheiser

SO I guess we just have to dance on!

A Challenging Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

- Saint Francis of Assisi

This is very humbling for me, and that's probably why I love it.

John Locke is my Hero

Warning: This is my unabashed love tribute to John Locke.

2nd Warning: If you don't watch LOST this may make no sense - but read it anyway as my submission of a reason why you should just take some time and watch all 5 seasons.

I love John Locke. I can't say it enough, I loved him from the first season of LOST when he just looked like my Dad. I loved him when he was given his legs. I loved him when he was obsessed by the hatch. I loved him when he walked around and tried to provide sage wisdom to anyone who would listen. I loved his flashbacks. I loved his leadership feud with Jack. I loved his decision to stay on the Island. I loved his passion and his insanity.

But it was only after tonight why I truly realized I loved him. John Locke is me - John Locke is you. John Locke is all humans. John Locke is Chosen, Blessed and Broken.

Locke is 'chosen' by the island - brought there repeatedly and involved deeply in its work and in its purpose and its events. Most importantly - he is chosen as someone 'special.' To the island, Locke is entirely and completely special. Locke is 'blessed' by the island - given his legs - his life - his purpose - his reason for living - and countless opportunities. Opportunities to lead and opportunities to love.

Finally, and most endearingly, Locke is broken - repeatedly. Locke is broken physically an astounding number of times, and he struggles with this. But Locke is broken in a more deep and menacing way than that. Locke is repeatedly told by most that are not manipulating him that he is NOT SPECIAL - that he has no value to them. This, perhaps, is his most human quality. I've read Henri Nouwen say, "it is much easier to accept the inability to speak, walk, or feed oneself than it is to accept the inability to be of special value to another person ... when we sense that we no longer have anythign to offer to anyone, we quickly lose our grip on life." Pardon me for my Locke bro-mance, but I just can't get over what I see of my own struggles in him...

... and somehow it gives me hope - the Island which has chosen me has greater blessings, greater brokenness, and further gifts to give yet!

I submitted this for a class anthology...

Growing up as a Christian, I knew a lot of kids that went on “mission trips” to far off places to help the less fortunate. My friends would gush about how life-changing the experience was to go to such and such poor country. They would tell me how the people, while poor, were so much richer in spirit than us here in North America. I always found this idea to be a little bit ridiculous. It seemed to me as if my friends going on these pricy trips to help “poor people” created this communal lie about the local people being so joyful, so full of life, so rich in love. It seemed like a convenient untruth that rich, white, Christians could tell themselves in order not to feel guilty about their personal wealth. It was hard for me to believe that all poor people in the developing world were happy and better off than us here, despite not being able to feed their children, not having electricity or adequate access to water. It all seemed like a pile of crap.

I studied international development in university. There I was taught to horrors of missionary work. I was shown how short term “service” trips can actually harm struggling communities in the developing world. I piously felt like the people who went on these trips, went for themselves, to add meaning to their own lives. I used the argument that the money spend to send down a team of x number of Canadians would be much more effective if it was used to hire local people to do the same work. I came to see these vacationing missionaries as modern day colonizers, taking with them a sense of superiority and advanced civility.

When I was 23 I took a job working for a church as a youth assistant. Part of my job was planning and helping lead a trip to Ecuador for a small group of youth. I stepped off of my soapbox (mostly in light of my desire to travel) and took up the job rather excitedly.

In Ecuador, in a small jungle village, I had one of my first “a-ha’ moments about class, race and privilege. We were building a community building in the village so that there would be a place for people to gather when it rained. The village had gotten running water only weeks before we arrived. I met a woman who I immediately liked. She was kind- her eyes were kind. She smiled at me and let me hold her baby. After some hand gesture charades due to the language barrier she took one of the students and myself to explore the forest where they got their food. She had her daughter shimmy up papaya trees to pick us fruit and taught us how to machete banana trees. She cooked us jungle potatoes and watched, with tangible joy on her face, as we ate them. What I learned in that moment is that classism and class division dissect our humanity. In an instant it became clear to me that while we were officially there to “help” her and her community, she had, through example, just given me so much more.

Class divisions create a world where we only want to associate and interact with those in our particular class. Sometimes, if we’re feeling ambitious, it is socially acceptable to converse with those in the class above you if you are looking to climb the social ladder. That day, in the Ecuadorian jungle, I learned that by only living within your societal class, one essentially negates all possibility of being fully human. The rich are not meant to be givers. They are not meant to be the “sugar daddies and mamas” who simply write checks to appease their consciences and the poor. The Poor are not meant to be receivers, constantly taking, giving nothing back. The middle class is not meant to sequester themselves off from both the rich and poor, protected by their picket fences and PTA meetings. Rather, each person, regardless of their socio-economic class is meant to be both a giver and a receiver. That is what it means to be human. We all have something to offer the world and we all have something we need from the world. We were not created to be self-maintaining organisms.

My friend in the jungle showed me that I needed her. That day, I needed her kindness, her generosity and papayas. By accepting her gift of fruit, I acknowledged not only thankfulness, but also broke down the false notion of giver and receiver, rich and poor.

When I came home from Ecuador, I had a much better understanding of why friends in the past had come back and said that the people were so joyful, so happy, and free. I still would not fully agree with that analysis, or the singular story it tries tell of an entire country’s population. Instead, I’d like to suggest, that my friends, like me, had realized that they were receivers, not only givers. Perhaps what my friends were seeing was their own joy reflected back. This is the most real truth I know about class- It divides us. We cannot experience wholeness existing in human-made class groups. We need the poor and the rich. They need each other. Furthermore, we cannot care for the poor or the rich unless we know their names, their stories and their hearts. Ending class division will take a lot more than writing big checks; it will take more than philanthropy and charitable foundations. Ending class division will only happen when we create space for us to get to know each other. A place to have coffee, to talk about the weather and our kids and reality tv. Class division will not end until we accept that “they” are just like “us”.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp...

Because I liked it so much....


Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others’ eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, “I need to see what’s on the other side; I know there’s something better down the road.”

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

On the brink, on the

What Exile?

These things that have comforted me, I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith's in the broken bones and bruises I display
Bruce Springsteen – in ‘The Wrestler’


There is often much discussion of ‘exile’ in theological circles. I just finished reading and enjoying Rob Bell and Don Golden’s book “Jesus wants to Save Christians.” It discusses the importance of remembering the exodus God has given us from our imprisonment to the empire of sin, violence and death. It talks about the Israelites and their disobedience when they had all the power of an empire under Solomon – and their resultant exile under Babylon’s rule in order to bring them back into dependence on God and an understanding of the blessing they had been given and what God desired for them to use that blessing for.

In the book there is much talk of empire – a worldly empire of violence, sin and death (Bell 57) and also of 2 modes of existence as defined by Paul: “the body of Sin and the body of Christ.” (Bell 105) It is discussed how people who ultimately believe in the prevailing empire use the power they have in order to promote themselves, and further their influence and then grow what they feel they are entitled to. God desires for people to use their power to help those who most need it. When God wanted to show Solomon and company that they were misusing the power they had been blessed with – he put them in exile into Babylon – away from any source of power of their own.

They had forgotten their story – the story of exodus and of God’s compassionate reaching out to them when they most needed it in order that they would do that for others. Many theologians discuss how the Church today is in some sort of exile. Part of the reasoning that prompted this post was examining the exile discussion in this Rob Bell book and thinking about other discussions of exile that I have heard about and whether or not I see a lack of worldly ‘power’ or empire influence in the church or a lack of the presence of God’s Holy Spirit working in the world.

The most vivid picture of exile that I have seen recently is that of Randy the Ram in the ‘The Wrestler.’ Mickey Rourke did a fantastic job of portraying a man who was exiled from his home and his family. This was an exile that happened because of his choices in the use of power – he chose to use his power to satisfy himself and to increase his reign and his entitlement. However, again the exile that he experienced was one truly of pain – of visible separation from the prevailing culture.

But I ask – where is the exile of the church (ala Israel into Babylon or in Egypt) if there has been no removal from physical blessing (and empire power) in North America? Or more aptly how does the current exile parallel that of the Israelites?

Could it be – in North America – it as though some parts of the body of Christ and some Christians have bought so whole-heartedly into the prevailing empire of consumption that God has allowed their OWN corrupted system of power to be Babylon in their lives – or at least definitely in my life! It would be as if, seeing the sin of Solomon – his building of military might and the big-headed centralization of his power to further his own purposes rather than help those in need, God just allowed the Israelites all to be consumed by this as it ran its course. Obviously, this isn’t an exile from earthly, or worldly physical power for the Israelites – but what it IS is an exile from the power to be able to do the work of showing God’s love and compassion by helping others most effectively. This is because the body of people is too tied up in their own selfish pressures.

Maybe I am wandering a bit here but the problem is, at the lowest level, I have so forgotten the story of my exodus, the cause of my redemption, and the ‘way’ that I travel from the one reality of the body of Sin to the reality of the body of Christ – I have so forgotten this story – that it could be as though I am in exile - exile from being able to live out this compassionate powerful love of God – exile in this Babylon of North American consumer culture. Thankfully, the ‘way’ of Christ is STILL there to be walked. Just as the prophets spoke – the universal sacrifice and way out of exile has been provided – I just need to begin to remember the story of how I was redeemed and make it central to everything that I do in order to live with that power!

What I ask now is how is it that I should begin to remember my exodus? More importantly, Lord, how shall I begin to cause my memory of that exodus to prophecy truth of the power of the body of Christ into my life? Bell and Golden suggest that the Israelites were instructed to remember by remembering the poor, by giving unconditionally, and by extending grace (Bell 162).

I know that you work in power Lord all over the world and I pray that somehow I would begin to fully remember, to use the power you have made available in order to bless the weakest of those with whom I interact – to show them your love not after I’ve claimed my own entitlement – but to realize that everything is yours and is given to me simply for the purpose of giving to others.

Please forgive me for forgetting the story of my own journey through the desert to the New Jerusalem even as it is still unfolding! And anyone reading this post your thoughts and the ways that you remember your exodus story.



Rob Bell and Don Golden, Jesus Wants to Save Christians (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008)

Rolheiser

I love the work of this guy.
Plus, he gets some points for being Canadian too.

I stumbled across this today and thought it was worth reading.

thoughts?

*c

My Talk at the FRWY last night....

So without any further ado....

Quite often I wonder why life doesn’t seem very fair. Yakno, we talk a lot about justice, and I would hope that most of us try and pursue justice for ourselves and others, but it doesn’t always seem to be present. In my own life, I have things that don’t seem to just. It doesn’t seem very fair that no matter how hard I work at school, my grades won’t be as great as my brother’s or sister’s. It doesn’t seem very fair that some students at my school have their tuition fully paid for, but I wasn’t given that luxury. To put those complaints in perspective though, there are many more harsh and severe injustices in the lives of people I know and hear about. I wonder why friend A had to be let go because of the recession. I wonder why friend B had to lose a friend or family member so close to them. I wonder why friend C had to get sick. All these thoughts lead me to feel down sometimes thinking that life’s not fair, justice isn’t really present. And I wonder, what am I supposed to do to feel okay about that? How am I supposed to believe and serve a so-called loving God when he didn’t create a just world?
Now before I go any further, I must make a couple brief comments. I by no means intend on approaching the topic of injustice with any form of answer to why it exists, I just thought my words might possibly be appreciated. Also, I do not mean to be insensitive to anyone’s hurt or experience of injustice and I hope I don’t come across in this manner.
So the reason I say all of this is because I find it quite challenging to identify with God and appreciate him when I see and experience so much injustice. And I hope now, to discuss an idea that helps me in my efforts to identify and appreciate him.
You see, the passage I chose to refer to in my talk, is Philippians 2:5-13. This is actually thought to be a verse from an early Christian hymn or creed that Paul placed in his letter. In this verse, it states that Jesus emptied himself and chose to become nothing. He then proceeded to go through death as a human, and specifically death on a cross as the text says. I highlight this verse because it tells us something about Jesus’ character and experience. Jesus endured suffering and injustice just like us. And he chose it. He chose to have life not be fair. In other parts of the Bible, we learn that Jesus was rejected by his family, his hometown, and even one of his closest disciples, Peter. And he died a more terrifying death than I would like to think about. I say this because the fact that Jesus experienced injustice makes me appreciate him more and helps me to identify with his love for us.
Also, I think it is fair to assume that God, the Father, must suffer in a similar capacity. The biblical narrative teaches us that God gave us as humans freedom to choose what to do and value with our lives. And when we reject his love, abuse his creation, or treat others like dirt, I can’t help but think he suffers too.
Now I say all this for a reason. And that reason is not because I claim to understand why injustice exists in this world. It sure doesn’t make a ton of sense to me. I really wish life seemed a little more fair for us all at times. But I do find a significant bit of solace and comfort in knowing that our God suffers and experiences injustice just like us. He knows what its like yakno? And not only that, but he chose to experience this so in a lot of ways we wouldn’t have to. I don’t mean to sound cheesy, I just think God becomes a little more likable when I think of things this way.



I tried to keep it pretty honest and candid. Along with keeping it short haha.

All in good time

hello friends

Just a quick note to say hello- and that I do intend on sharing some links/thoughts here soon. My mind is a little dulled from the INCREDIBLE Raptors game that I was at today. If I were to write something tonight it would be something along the lines of how Jamario Moon should be the MVP for his tats and headband alone and how it really is time to trade Kapono....you get the idea. But tomorrow is a new day and it won't be long before my musings about faith.jesus.god.life.love.etc will need a home. 

Peace and love,

Cait

Conversation

hey everyone,

i'm sure there is going to be a little bit of hesitance to contribute or post to this blog because you feel like it isn't your own (or you already have your own blog). But even if you just post a link to your other blog post or a small thought - i think it would be really appreciated. I personally think you're all real smart and I appreciate your contributions to my faith - so that's why I'd love to continue the conversation.

Image of God at Scarborough Town Centre

This is something I wrote while waiting in Scarborough after a bus had dropped me off. I'd love to hear your comments on it, further challenges, as well as suggestions for practical application.

“Christ has taken on this human form … In Christ’s incarnation all of humanity regains the dignity of bearing the image of God. Whoever from now on attacks the least of the people attacks Christ, who took on human form and who in himself has restored the image of God for all who bear a human countenance.”
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Beginning to understand this truth has radically changed the way I look at people as I sit waiting here at the food court of Scarborough Town Centre. I think I’ve read of this before and begun to think about it – at least I remember a similar idea in Greg Paul’s book – “God in the Alley” where he explains how he discovered that as he helped a friend of his through one of his lowest human moments he saw the face of Jesus in him in a profound way. I understood it at the time in terms of seeing Jesus in the oppressed or suffering – which I think is a very valid and valuable concept – but the idea of seeing God’s presence in all others simply because they are human has given me a new, fresh understanding.

I’ve dwelt much lately on how as I look at others walking around campus I judge them. Basically, my walk through the busy paths between classes consists of looking at a person and determining my decision of their worth. A practice that I have been, well, trying to practice, is looking at a person and declaring my love toward them (in my head). It seems to create a drastic difference in my attitude toward them. Reading the above quote from a book on ‘mystic-activism’ by Curtiss Paul DeYoung reinforces this idea for me. To be part of the body of Christ is to understand fundamentally the necessary humanization of ‘others’. By understanding that each person currently walking around me is a human – and therefore reflects the image of God – it seems almost easier, nay necessary to love them. I hopefully love God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind and therefore I have no option but to love all of His creations – with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind!

As DeYoung goes on to discuss this he emphasizes that it includes, in so many situations the oppressed and the oppressor. It brings to mind the words of Jesus – “Whatever you do to the least of these – you have done to me” - how true it is.

Lord the challenge of living out your love is unbelievably difficult, unbelievably rewarding, and unbelievably human. Help me to continue to understand your love in such a way that I have no choice but to extend it towards those around me.

I'll have a number 2 switch the back bacon for strips

This is the start of our blog.